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We Interrupt This Broadcast/Transcript
Yami: Last time on Yu-Gi-Oh... Commercial: Black & Decker's automic shut-off iron, because those with the best memories can forget to turn their irons off. Random Guy: In America! Random Guy 2: I was so impressed, I bought the company! Space Ghost: (taps his cards on his desk) Announcer: You're watching the Card Game Channel, where we bring you all the hottest dueling action from across the globe! Tonight, we're bringing you live coverage of the Duelist Kingdom semifinals! I can barely contain my excitement! Who will be the next King of Games? We'll find out right after this commercial! Don't you go anywhere, now. Commercial 2: Have you been injured in a card game accident that wasn't your fault? Suffered damages at the hands of your opponent? Do you like to blame other people for your clumsiness? If so, give us a call at 1-800-DUELINSURANCE, and we'll fix the problem by throwing lots of money around. Duel Insurance, because nothing heals pain quite like money. Announcer: We're back, and the Duelist Kingdom semifinals are already underway. It looks like Yugi Moto is struggling to defeat Mai Valentine, and who can blame him? Mai Valentine is a seasoned competitor with a long list of victories. Let's take a look at her dueling history. First, she faced Joey Wheeler...and lost. Then she went up against Panik...and lost. Her last match before entering the finals was against Tea Gardner, which, of course, she must have won. Oh, my mistake. She surrendered. I think I speak for everyone when I ask, "What's wrong with this picture?" Mai: I summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! Yami: You wanna play rough? Okay! Say hello to my little friend! Announcer: This could be a critical misjudgment on the part of the young up-and-comer with the ridiculous hairdo. Mai's dragon could destroy that Kuriboh with ease. I wonder what her next move will be? Mai: I surrender. Announcer: (sarcastically) Yeah, that Mai Valentine. She's a great duelist, alright. We take you now to a pre-recorded interview with one of the top players in the Duelist Kingdom tournament - Mako Tsunami. Press: Mister Tsunami, Mister Tsunami! Is there any truth to the rumor that Yugi Moto refused to duel with you because you're a freaky fish guy? Mako: I am NOT a freaky fish guy! And for your information, I fed his Dark Magician to my Fiend Kraken! It was just like the ending to Pirates of the Caribbean 2, except this was actually satisfying! Press: In that case, why is he entered into the finals while you're out here on the beach talking to yourself? Mako: I'm not talking to myself. I'm talking to the ocean. Press: Oh. Okay. Mako: The ocean and I are getting married. Isn't that right, ocean? Ocean : ... Mako: The ocean says yes. Announcer: We're back to live-action, and Bandit Keith's Barrel Dragon is causing Joey Wheeler big problems! Joey: I summon Copycat! It gives me the power to copy your catchphrase. In America! Keith: Hey, that's my joke! It only works when I say, "In America!" It loses all meaning when you say it! Joey: What's that? I couldn't hear you. I was too busy being American. Keith: You're not American! You're not even wearing a flag on your head! Joey: You're right! I must have left it back home in America! Announcer: Uh-oh! It looks like Bandit Keith has snapped, and he's being forced to abandon the duel! Keith : (In the background) And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air... Bakura: Hooray! Joey won! Lashings of ginger beer for everyone! I'm British, you know. Keith: I won't go down without a fight! Pegasus, I pledge allegiance to your death, you sorry excuse for an American! Pegasus: I learned this trick from watching Excel Saga. (activates a trapdoor) Keith: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! In America. (lands in the water) Announcer: And on that note, let's go to a commercial. Commercial 3: Next week, on a very special episode of Zorc & Pals... Bakura: Zorc, what's wrong? Why haven't you destroyed the world? Zorc: Because I have a terminal disease. Bakura: But you can't die! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her when you're gone? Zorc: She also has a terminal disease. Commercial 3: Don't miss this very special award-winning episode of Zorc & Pals, because we really need the ratings. Announcer: You're watching the Card Game Channel. We show card games, and that's about it. This match will decide everything! One of these men will return home with either three million dollars in prize money or the prestige of bieng the new King of Card Games. But no matter who wins this duel, in the end, they're both losers. I mean winners. Yeah, winners. Joey: This is it, Yug. Only one of us can win this tournament. And even though you're my best friend, I'm not gonna hold back. I'm gonna give it my all. And what's more, I'm gonna beat you! Yami: Like hell! Face it, Joey, you're a terrible duelist! You only got this far becuase I've been telling you how to win all the time! I mean, come on, you've got Baby Dragon in your deck. Baby freaking Dragon! You probably don't even remember why you entered the tournament in the first place! Joey: Sure I do! I entered because...uh...you told me to? Yami: It was your sister, you silly little man! She needs an operation! Joey: Why? Is she sick? Yugi: No, but you will be! MIND CRUSH! Announcer: And now, for a word from our sponsors. Seto Kaiba: Your own personal deck - ten dollars. A brand spanking new Duel Disk system - thirty dollars. Bribing the school bully so he won't beat you up for playing card games - fifty dollars. Activating Swords of Revealing Light so your opponent is unable to attck your Life Points directly, leaving him wide open for a frontal assualt on all his monsters - priceless. There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's KaibaCorp. Announcer: We now return to our live feed from the Duelist Kingdom, and it looks as though the finalists have somthing to say to each other. Joey: Here, Yuge. Since I lost the match, it's only right that you get the prize money. Yugi: No, Joey. You take it. How else are you going to afford professional therapy after suffering such a humiliating defeat at my hands? Joey: This is the happiest moment of my life! If only my sister were alive to see me now! Announcer: The semifianls are over, but the final round of the tournament is just around the corner! Don't touch that remote! We'll e right back with more card game action, right after this commercial! (end) (caption: Mai Valentine...worst duelist ever) Priest: Do you, Mako Tsunami, take the ocean to be your lawfully wedded wife till death do you part? Mako: I do! Priest: And do you, ocean, take Mako Tsunami to be your lawfully wedded husband till death do you part? Ocean: ... Mako: The ocean says yes.